wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
love makes seman taste better
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I am available for nakedness
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
