Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
