I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
