I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
