i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
