her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
