She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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