I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I didn't shave. On purpose
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
