Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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