i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
