how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
