I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
