you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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