And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
