I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
