i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
