dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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