Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
