You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
