you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
