This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
