i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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