So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Shame is for Republicans.
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