i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
