3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
