yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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