You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
