I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
