dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
