I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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