It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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