Small penises have feelings too.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
