he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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