is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
