FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
