i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
