I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
