Michael Bay diarrhea
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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