I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
