He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
