this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
