i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
