i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
