I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
