Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
