I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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