how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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