I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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