whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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