All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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