guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
