dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I don't deserve a penis
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Randomize
